If I could pause myself

When you don’t play with me

sink into a thing

just be a thing

I would like that.

It’s all about guesses, not a matter of ‘tell’ and ‘know’.

She took my hand

And when she told me how many lovers I would have in my life, how many heartbreaks

For a second I wondered if she would be one of them

It seemed vulgar when I reminded myself of the cash exchange

And in any case, it was all hanged men, fools,

hierophant – wholly, completely an arsehole.

No, I definitely don’t recognize any of those dudes…

I wished I cared more about other things so I didn’t ask

about whether it was normal to feel as though…

To know to have noticed to have observed objectively that you do not…

To feel as though I can’t…

state my needs.

But I didn’t need a witch for that.

Would she realise

that this was incredibly unusual for me

the way things usually go

the illusion of power I normally have

but that all of this has more weight than anything

But I suppose she’d care even less than others.

Nothing’s funny any more.

When I’m a hermit,

and I most need the King of my Cups.

Perhaps I should have stayed at home

with my curly fish

and the last of my minuscule ‘fortune’.

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